NO MORE MONKEYS . . .

Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert!

Parents be warned.  Your child may be cited for disorderly conduct for reciting the words to any of the five monkey songs.  Please read below so that you can quickly identify if your child is reciting banned phrases to avoid the public humiliation of having your child caught and labeled as a racist.

Remember, a monkey is not a cute, cuddly and mischevious animal — monkey is a racist term.  Please be aware – what you called monkeys as children are now referred to as “primates.”  Repeat after me PRIMATE.  Don’t make the mistake of keeping the word monkey in your vocabulary or you, too could be fined for disorderly conduct.  Please, even if you use this word in a derogatory manner (which you shouldn’t because it’s not nice), understand that the 1st Ammendment does not apply in this case.  If you use the word monkey you will be cited.

Now, it’s perfectly ok to insult white people in any way you choose – that type of speech is still protected under the Bill of Rights.  We will alert you if anything changes. 

We report this information for your protection and benefit and accept full responsibilty for all fines we may incur by using the term monkey so gratuitiously.  Please consider donating to our legal defense fund.

LYRICS TO AVOID!

Version 1

5 little monkeys swinging in the tree
teasing Mr. Alligator can’t catch me….can’t catch me
along came Mr. Alligator quiet as can be
and snapped that monkey out that tree

Version 2

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed
one fell off and cracked his head 
mama called the doctor and the doctor said 
no more monkeys jumping on the bed! 

Recommended new versions:

It is recommended that you teach your child the new versions of these songs. 

Version 1

5 little primates swinging in the tree
teasing Mr. Alligator can’t catch me….can’t catch me
along came Mr. Alligator quiet as can be
and snapped that primate out that tree

Version 2

5 little primates jumping on the bed
one fell off and cracked his head 
mama called the doctor and the doctor said 
no more primates jumping on the bed!