Interesting Gun Facts: Part 2

“Assault Weapons” aka “Scary Black Guns”

BOO! Are you scared yet? Hahahaha

“Assault Weapon” is a misnomer used by gun control advocates and people who learned everything they know from TV news.  Please, unless you want to demonstrate to your friends that you have no idea what you’re talking about, try not to say assault weapon, assault rifle, assault pistol, etc.  Additionally, try your very hardest not to pontificate about how nobody needs an assault rifle.  That will make you sound even more biased and mis-informed. 

Check out this video by Officer Leroy Pyle of the San Jose, CA Police Department.  He gives a quick overview of the difference between fully automatic vs. semi-automatic and shows how the asthetic of the firearm itself influences news reports, public opinion and legislation.


Semi-Automatic Rifles (not Assault Rifles, though your friendly neigborhood politicians would like you to believe otherwise.)  The first three rifles below are chambered in the same caliber – meaning they shoot the exact same bullets out the business end.  They also shoot only one round per trigger pull.  One of these looks scary.  The other one looks generic.  The third . . . you decide.

AR-15 (scary black gun)

Grandpa’s Rifle (not scary black gun)

Pink AR-15: Same as the “Scary Black Gun,” only pink.  Let this roll around in your mind:  why is the black one the one that’s targeted by lawmakers when it’s really the same as any other .223 rifle?  Also, before you go and get all upset that this deadly object looks like a toy, it was painted by a man for his ADULT wife who keeps it in her safe and shoots it at the range.  Children don’t play with this gun, nor are they manufactured for sale.  Please, try to keep from peeing yourself on this one.  Also, any comments left by people who did not read this post or any other accurate info on guns and just want to spout ignorance will quickly be deleted.  Check out for more info on this pink rifle.

Fully Automatic AK-47 (more truly identified as an assault rifle).  These are limited to military, police and civilians who have gone through extensive background check process.  Very few reports of this gun used in crime – they are EXPENSIVE to obtain and own.

Semi-Automatic AK-47.  Don’t let looks deceive.  This is NOT the same gun as the one above.  This firearm fires only one round per trigger pull.  It is more similar to the first two firearms than the one above it even though cosmetically, it’s the most similar to the fully auto AK-47.

Got it?  Good!  Now promise never to discuss assault weapons in ignorance again!


Interesting Gun Facts: Part 1

Did you know that in order to purchase a gun from a store (federally licensed firearms dealer) the buyer must submit to a federal background check?  This applies to all federally licensed firearms dealers – at gun shows or at the local gun shop.

What this means: criminals don’t buy guns from firearms dealers – only those with very clean records can purchase firearms from dealers.  The Brady Bill the posession of firearms for any individual who:

  • is convicted of a felony
  • is under indictment for a felony, but has not gone to court
  • is the unlawful user of a controlled substance
  • is drug dependant
  • is adjudicated mentally defective or been committed to a mental institution
  • is an illegal or unlawful alien in the Untied States
  • is dishonorably discharged from the military
  • has renounced citizenship of the United States
  • is subject to court order restraining them from harassing, stalking or threatening another (i.e. spouse, former spouse, cohabitant, former cohabitant or child of such partner)
  • cannot prove residency with proper identification
  • has any warrant
  • any domestic violence conviction
  • been convicted as a juvenile for an offense which would have been a felony if committed by an adult (within last 10 years)

It is illegal for anyone who fits any one of the above criteria to own a firearm – any kind of firearm, rifle, shotgun, handgun, machine gun.  They’re all off limits.

I mentioned earlier that any firearms dealer must complete a background check on the purchaser before completing the sell.  The “gunshow loophole” spoken of by politicians and gun-control advocates refers to the private sell of firearms.  This has little or nothing to do with gunshows, but it sounds really cool.  Soundbites are cool!

Why not restrict private sell of firearms?  Well, because it’s already illegal for one of the people mentioned above to own a firearm.  It’s also illegal to knowingly sell a firearm to one of those people.  Many law-abiding individuals who sell firearms privately are very careful about such sales.  Why does anyone need to sell a gun privately you ask?  I ask why does anyone sell a car.  They’re not using it anymore.  Maybe it’s a model they don’t enjoy shooting, or they want a newer better version.  Luckily, we can sell things we don’t want anymore in this country.  Gun control advocates would like that ability stripped from Joe Hunter down the street or from Sally Target Shooter.  However, like most gun control laws, restrictions on private firearms sales only adds extra steps to the process for law abiding people.  Criminals are criminals and won’t follow that law either.

So, my solution?  I propose that this country actually start enforcing the laws we have.  Punnish criminals and let them serve full and complete sentences.  I recently heard about an early release program to ease crowding in prisons and jails.  I’m not the world’s most brilliant person, but even I can understand that placing more laws and burden on the law abiding while simultaneously enhancing the criminal’s ability to commit crime is not an effective plan.

Next time: The truth about “Assault Weapons” aka “Scary Black Guns”

Why Obama’s Comments Were Offensive

I don’t think anyone is too concerned about the discussion of the downtrodden being bitter.  I heard Obama talk about this in the debate yesterday – he was hung on the “bitter” aspect.

The really offensive thing is the suggestion that poor people “cling” to guns and religion and xenophobia because they are bitter and let down by the government.  That’s the offensive part.  That’s the part he is missing.

Maybe in his church bitterness works to draw people in.  Sermons about how the government craps on you would certainly appeal to the bitter masses.  However, I just don’t think a generalization that poor people are religious because the world has crapped on them is in touch with reality and that’s where Obama’s problem lies.

Wake up people!  This man is a WEENER!  I’ll say it again  – WEENER.

Did I Mention . . .

That Barack Obama is a weener?  Oh, yeah.  I already did – a few times.

This guy is a little lot out of touch with what life is in average, every-day America.  I have so much to say on this topic, but frankly don’t have the energy.  Let me add one other thing, Michelle Obama is a weeneress.


Did I Mention That Obama is a Weener?

Barack Obama is a WeenerIt’s true. 



Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert! Alert!

five monkeysParents be warned.  Your child may be cited for disorderly conduct for reciting the words to any of the five monkey songs.  Please read below so that you can quickly identify if your child is reciting banned phrases to avoid the public humiliation of having your child caught and labeled as a racist.

Remember, a monkey is not a cute, cuddly and mischevious animal — monkey is a racist term.  Please be aware – what you called monkeys as children are now referred to as “primates.”  Repeat after me PRIMATE.  Don’t make the mistake of keeping the word monkey in your vocabulary or you, too could be fined for disorderly conduct.  Please, even if you use this word in a derogatory manner (which you shouldn’t because it’s not nice), understand that the 1st Ammendment does not apply in this case.  If you use the word monkey you will be cited.

Now, it’s perfectly ok to insult white people in any way you choose – that type of speech is still protected under the Bill of Rights.  We will alert you if anything changes. 

We report this information for your protection and benefit and accept full responsibilty for all fines we may incur by using the term monkey so gratuitiously.  Please consider donating to our legal defense fund.


Version 1

5 little monkeys swinging in the tree
teasing Mr. Alligator can’t catch me….can’t catch me
along came Mr. Alligator quiet as can be

and snapped that monkey out that tree

Version 2

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed
one fell off and cracked his head 
mama called the doctor and the doctor said 
no more monkeys jumping on the bed!

Recommended new versions:

It is recommended that you teach your child the new versions of these songs. 

Version 1

5 little primates swinging in the tree
teasing Mr. Alligator can’t catch me….can’t catch me

along came Mr. Alligator quiet as can be

and snapped that primate out that tree

Version 2

5 little primates jumping on the bed
one fell off and cracked his head
mama called the doctor and the doctor said 
no more primates jumping on the bed!

The New Utopia Vehicle Ban Program – Phase 1 in My Plan to Stop Dying

People shouldn’t die.   Dying is bad.  Since we haven’t figured out how to keep people alive through science, I propose we stop people from dying through legislation!  We have the power.  Join the cause!

43,508 people in the United States died during 2005 as a result of vehicular accidents according to the National Safety Council.  That’s a lot of people!

43,508 people!  That’s like wiping a city the size of Santa Fe, New Mexico off the map each and every year!  It doesn’t need to be this way.  We can save lives.  I propose we ban cars entirely!  Cars are bad.  Cars kill people. Cars Are Bad!

We need to mobilize now to stop the manufacture, sale, and use of cars!  The only way to stop the carnage is to stop the legal vehicle trade.  Let’s face it, there is no Consitutional ammendment protecting the right to keep and drive cars.  Oh wait, even if there were, who cares!  We’re really not using the Constitution and Bill of Rights any more except where fire bombing eco-terrorists or other criminals are concerned.  For average citizens we can legislate and dictate what they do and when they do it.  I’m really only concered about the car lobby.  They’ll be a tough crowd, but if they cause us too much gruff, we’ll just sue them for every death involving a car.  This will also help if we can’t actually pass laws to ban cars.  The car companies made the car and sold it to the driver who caused the death in the first place.  We’ll sue them and cost them so much money we’ll put them right out of business and then they can’t sell cars at all.  Ooooh!  This is good.  I’m such a devious mind! 

If, for some reason, we can’t put those car companies out of business, we’ll regulate car parts to an unbelievable degree.  Every part of a car, including aftermarket accessories and replacement parts must be micro-stamped at the time of manufacture by laser with the vin number of the car that it will someday go in.  If there is any error in the micro-stamping, we’ll sue.  No . . . we’ll put someone in jail!  I think we should consider a total ban on tires though.  The Clintons can help us with that one.

I can’t take all the credit for these wonderful ideas though, I’m taking this philiosophy from other campaigns that have gained momentum in this country, such as gun control.  For instance, during the same year, there were 789 deaths from firearms accidents.  Add to that firearm related suicide and assault and the number jumps to 29,354.  We spend billions of dollars every year through the Brady Bill, court cases, and other such methods trying to curb the “gun” problem. 

I’m going to ignore the Clinton administration estimates that firearms are used successfully in self-defense over 1 million times per year.  That doesn’t help my argument!  I’m also going to forget the good uses of vehicles (ambulances, police officers, driving around Miss Daisy).  That doesn’t help my argument either.

They tried to ban guns, but it’s not really Constitutional and people put up a fight.  So, they banned certain types of guns because they “look” scary, even though they’re no more dangerous than the guns they left legal.  Then they banned certain gun accessories.  The lawyers who successfully sued the tobacco companies tried to sue the gun companies for every gun related death.  When that didn’t work, they’ve moved on to regulate the ammunition component.  Legislation is being proposed to require the bullet (manufactured at company A) and the cartridge it goes on (manufactured at company B) and assembled at Company C to be microstamped with the same number.  This number must also appear on the box the ammunition is sold in.  This would kill the ammunition industry because it’s just not really possible.  They’re so smart!

Since the “gun” problem kills less than half the number of people that vehicular accidents kill (excluding the 17,002 suicides because a determined person who wants to die will die, no matter what legislation I cook up to stop it.  I actually think suicide is illegal already – so much for that), I see absolutely no reason why we shouldn’t also attempt to control and/or ban Motor Vehicles.  Not only will we save the lives of 43,508 people each year, we will also stop gobal warming.  It’s a win-win.

To further illustrate my position, I have included some interesting statistics below.  This chart shows death statistics for 2005 in some interesting categories.  Info was published by the National Safety Council.  Actual deaths is the number of actual deaths of the stated type in one year.  “Odds in 1 Year” are the odds of dying from the stated cause in a given year (for example, the odds that you will die from a fall are 1 in 15,054.  Another way to look at it is 1 in every 15,054 people will die this year from falls).  “Odds in a Lifetime” are the same as odds in a year, but calculated out over an average life span.  So, in 2005, 1 in 15,054 people died from falls.  Also based on 2005 statistics, 1 in every 193 people will die from a fall during their lifetime, but not necessarily that year. Make sense?  Good!

Type of Death* Actual Deaths Odds in 1 Year Odds in a Lifetime
Motor-Vehicle Accidents           43,508              6,801                       87
Falls           19,656            15,054                     193
Intentional self-harm by firearm           17,002            17,404                     223
Assault by firearm           12,352            23,955                     308
Exposure to smoke, fire and flames             3,197            92,554                   1,188
Exposure to forces of nature             2,179           135,794                   1,743
Choking on Food                864           342,472                   4,396
Accidental Firearms discharge                789           375,026                     4,814
Bathtub Drowining                344           860,162                 11,042
Legal intervention involving firearm                330           896,654                 11,510

These stats were organized by likelihood of death.  You’re more likely to die from a vehicle accident than any other type of accident.  I didn’t include all the stats, but vehicle accident is the highest of all listed in the NSC report.

As you can see, cars are killing more people than any other type of accident each year.  Cars are bad.  Cars kill people.  Stop cars now! 

Once I get my hands on the cars, I’m moving ahead with feet.  Feet are bad.  Feet kill people.  If people didn’t fall, we would save another 19,656 people every year.  I think I might have trouble banning feet from a practical perspective, however, I believe I can successfully legislate that everyone must be encased in at least 12 inches of packing bubbles at all times. 

After feet and plastic packing bubbles, I’m going after God and making lightning, earthquakes and hurricanes illegal because God is bad.  God kills people.

Then I’m going after fire.  Fire is bad.  Fire kills people.

Then, the piece de resistance in my plan to keep people from dying . . . I’m going after bathtubs.  Bathtubs are bad.  Bathtubs kill people.

You ask, why don’t I go after the firearms?  Brady, Barack, Hillary . . . they’ve already go that one covered!  

Did I mention I think we should also place a  permanent ban on Killer Klowns from Outer Space?  I have no idea how many people they kill in a year, but even one is too many!

*statistics from the National Safety Council 2005